Future problems in the present…

I often wonder what certain future conversation with my son will be like. Those questions and topics that made my parents cringe – “where do babies come from?”, sex, smoking, drinking, partying, dating, tattoos… That last one may be a problem for me sooner than I thought.

It’s actually been a year? No way!

Sunday, October 24, 2010… one week ago today, I had a house full of decorations, 70 cupcakes to frost, a party to get started, and a 1 year-old boy climbing all over me. WHAT??? I have a 1 year-old kid??? I think I understand (sorta) when my mom says it never really sinks in just how quickly the time flies and before you know it your kids are taller than you and mouthing off at every opportunity. WOW!!!!! Pardon my shock, it really just feels like yesterday since I went to the hospital and came home with this little guy. A year since I wrote this. ‘Surreal’ is a good word.

So I’m told by friends and family that despite the rain pouring down exactly at 3pm (party time!), a good time was had by all. This is rather comforting for me since my feet still hurt . My ‘slight’ batter size miscalculation had me end up with twice the number of cupcakes I intended to make – not a bad thing, since they are DONE! Special thanks to Aunty Fran, Aunty Criss, Aunty Kat, Aunty Karla and Grammie for helping decorate, make finger food, and frost & decorate the gazillion cupcakes. Thanks to Aunty Ny, Aunty Teri and Grampie for making sure the bar for the grown folks was well taken care of – who knew that the Capri Sun monster pack I got for the kids would be enjoyed more by the ‘big kids’.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY J.D.

It was great to see J having a great time with other kids – I secretly hoped it would be encouragement to get him to walk, but he’s not quite there yet. Yes, my little chicken will only stand and walk as long as he’s holding on to someone or something. Anyway, no rush… I think he’s more happy chatting away right now and I really would love to know what he’s saying! I know that some of those grumbles are directed at me! He’s even singing along with the TV and radio and tells me “later” when I leave for work. He may not remember any of this as he grows, but he’ll know that he had lots of friends and family to celebrate with him for his big 1st birthday. My sister and I, while shopping unsupervised in the party store, found a wall decoration we just had to have. After it went up, it turned into something much better than just Cookie Monster, Elmo and Zoe flying kites. It’s a memory money can’t buy and one I treasure especially since all the messages are from the people who’ve been with us on this journey from the very beginning. (Yes, Cookie Monster has an earring, Elmo is wearing a belt, and Zoe has on nail polish – this is what happens when you give Aunty Chineyphat a Sharpie lol)

Birthday Wishes

It’s still up in the living room, giving the stragglers and those who couldn’t make it to the party some time to get their messages up there before I move it to the nursery.

As I write this I get an email: Your Toddler, Week 2. ‘Toddler’ almost feels like a bad word lol. He’ll always be my baby boy, even when he’s ‘negotiating’ to borrow the car or telling me he’s going to college. To be completely honest, those feelings of awe and gratitude that I felt the day he was born overwhelm me even today. I can’t help but feel guilty when I hand him over to Grammie or Nana or one of his Aunties for a while, but I won’t lie and say I don’t need it sometimes. He’s a big boy now, drinking cow’s milk, eating scrambled eggs and spaghetti (no, not together lol) and chatting up a storm at every opportunity. Even more so, he’s blowing kisses and gives great hugs – simply put, he’s the love of my life.

I’m gearing up for our first ‘real’ Christmas at home . Yes, he was here last Christmas, but he really just slept through it. Grampie is getting us a tree this year and I’m excited to take him shopping for decorations (and hoping he won’t wreck the store haha). We will be hosting family Christmas morning breakfast this year. He’s developed a real love for pancakes so those will definitely have to be on the menu. For now though, I’m just enjoying the ‘quiet’ time before I have to start running after him . I’m so dreading potty training…

K.

A moving movement…

Came across this on the web and thought I’d share.

I’ve been looking for a piece of “perma-jewelry” (daily wear) for myself, in honour of my son. In my search, I happened upon this site: Akawelle Jewelry, aka – also known as, wel’le – life.

Made from spent shell-casings from bullets fired during the Liberian civil war – the symbolism of the piece moved me just as much as the artist’s story. I will let the site speak for itself.

I think this is the piece I will choose. For many reasons I will not share, it is very appropriate.

- K.

Party Plan Checklist…

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks! I’ll tell you about my adventures with the Similac formula recall later… and my pediatrician calls as I write this! Anyway, just a quick note to share the birthday party awesomeness underway at the moment. Party in T-24 days and counting!! I’ve been a little down lately but getting myself in gear for my boogie’s first birthday has really been the pick me up I needed.

So far, here goes:

• the guest list is complete,
• the menu is almost complete (now that I have a number of guests to work with),
• the plans for the cake are 90% complete, just to make the final decorating decisions,
• started making decorations for the table and the house,
• games decided, props to be made,
• and my favourite part… I got to get a little nutty and make the invitations I really had a great time making these, my son is such amazing inspiration! (I’ll share his birth announcement and Christening invitations another time – those were fun to make too!)

Many thanks so far to all the Aunties who have volunteered to cook, bake, go shopping, and/or help out in any way. J and I are blessed to have you all!!

More work to be done, but for now it’s quitting time!

Homecoming… 6 years later…

Today marks 6 years since I packed my life into a shipping container in Miami and hopped on a plane. Hurricane Frances was looming just off the coast and MCO airport was about to be closed. I looked out at the clouds and through little tears, said goodbye to the past 7 years of my life. In that time, I’d made a home, friends, memories… a life. I bravely admit to myself however that it had become stagnant, it was now time to grow and move on. A recent college grad, I decided that home, my real home, was where I’d start the next part of my journey. Next stop… sweet, sweet Jamaica.

Fast forward 6 years… I looked at my son this morning and it dawned on me that I could never have imagined being here when I landed that day. It was almost a year ago (birthday party soon!!) that my journey took this turn, and I’m happy to say I’m learning to throw my hands up on the rollercoaster ride, no matter how scary letting go might be. I owe a lot of this to my “army” – the family and friends who have scolded me, supported me, and simply been “there” through it all. They’ve helped me learn an important lesson – I’m not perfect, but I’m doing the best I can. That reminder that my doubts are understood but my faith must be stronger than my doubts has really helped recently.

I still catch myself getting overwhelmed at times – projects at work, rearranging the house (again) trying to get it to feel just right, a fussy teething baby, balancing the budget, and even just finding the energy to make dinner some nights. Lately, I’ve thrown myself into birthday party mode – I’m really excited and trying to restrain myself . But that last moment every night seems to balance every joy and every frustration. Every night before I jump in bed, I go and look at the little boy sleeping in the crib and marvel at his contortions and simply that I had a hand in that little miracle. It’s funny how something so simple brings the most peace.

For a long time I’ve complained that all I want is a peaceful life. I’ve had it all along. Yes, there are really good days and really bad days, but that’s life! If everything was perfect all the time, I figure it would become quite dull. Everything has its time and place, and yes, people and situations will drive you up a wall from time to time. To rob a quote (I don’t remember where from): “It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you deal with what happens to you.” It may well feel like it’s just one drama, one issue after another. Look at them one at a time, and tackle them one at a time. Learning what to attack head on and what to leave alone is a trick I find comes with time – I’m still in the early stages of this one, but I’m learning. There will always be trials and challenges as the journey takes its twists and turns. Patience was never one of my virtues, but (again) I’m learning. I’m still short on it where it counts sometimes, but at least I can see that now for myself.

So on my 6th anniversary of my homecoming, I can honestly say I’ve found the peaceful life I’ve been looking for all along. Happiness isn’t a final destination, it’s everyday and it really feels good to know that I understand that now. It’s no longer a good quote in an email, or message from a friend, or even something you read or see on TV. It’s reality – life really is what you make it. I’d like to say thanks to everyone who have been a part of the journey thus far. To those who are still here, the journey continues… hosted by Cookie Monster