Easier said than done, eh?
Sadly, I’ve been through my fair share of moments that teach that lesson. Somewhere along the line, I became numb to the process of grieving. I’ve chalked it up to accepting that death is a simple reality of life and despite the loss of a loved one, life does indeed go on. No matter how much you would rather the sun doesn’t come up tomorrow – it will – whether you’re prepared to face it or not.
Personally, I’ve never had any use for the wailing, throwing yourself on the floor (I will admit that I fell down when I got the phone call that my little sister had died.. legs just kinda gave out on me..), or any of the other dramatics I’ve seen as a response to death. There is something, however, that bothers me more. Why is it people feel they have the right to determine, or judge, how those left behind move on with their lives? Parents, siblings, spouses… why does society still feel that one must wear black and live in your own personal doom and gloom until they’ve decided that, maybe, you can have a life other than what they’ve known?
Maybe I’m being a bit dramatic, but I’m a big fan of personal choice. Loss is a part of life, deal with it! How one person chooses to grieve, or not grieve, is entirely up to them. Yes, there’s always that person or group who will object in some form to the choices we make – but how far do we really get in life having the opinions of others define our actions?
The most common argument I’ve heard is someone doing something that disrespects the memory of the dearly departed. So I guess my real question is how soon is too soon to brush yourself off and continue with your life? I’ve heard many, many answers to this question… and honestly, agree with none. Only you know when you’re ready, and sadly, you may be alone in that thinking no matter how much time has passed. Guilt trips are a common assault at this point. In my random observations over the years I often wonder who the guilt really belongs to and more often the owner is the person dishing out the guilt trip.
And we’re now back at the beginning… how someone chooses to handle the loss of a loved one is an entirely personal choice. Love your family and friends, support them and think before offering advice that you might need to be taking yourself. We may not always agree with it, but IT IS NOT YOUR LIFE – get over it.