The unfruitful search for “perfect” perfection…

I have been more than delinquent (yes, I have said this before) but when personal censorship takes hold and the stresses of life get caught in the brain/keyboard filter – I really just don’t have anything I can share.  This makes for a lonely place inside my own head sometimes…

In better news, JD is almost done his first year of preschool. Once again, I’m in that place of utter disbelief and absolute awe of this little person who will-not-shut-up and is telling me about everything he possibly can – in English and Spanish. Yes, I am that gushing mummy who is actually enjoying having to sing the “Wheels on the Bus” fifty times over, with all the actions and appropriate noises. Yes, I am instructed to read that one storybook six times before he will actually agree that it’s bedtime and I get my good night hug and kiss complete with “seep tight mummy, swee jeems”. Yes, my plumber and I have a special relationship – JD’s favourite “toys” are taps, toilets and the garden hose. Yes, I am having a hard time keeping up with him – someone PLEASE tell me how to get him to sleep in on weekends?!? I’m now mentally preparing myself for summer camp and swimming lessons, a small prayer (or 5) would be appreciated.

I find I’m keeping myself extra busy with work these days, not quite sure if I’m in legacy-building or avoidance mode. The current situation at home makes it a tad difficult to “have a life”. Ok, let me stop fooling myself – it’s all but impossible. I realize some of it is my own making, that desperate search for the “perfect” solution. I’ve always been one to preach that there is no perfect, but yet in my own mind I still continue to hunt it down like my very existence depends on it.

It’s taken me some time to come to terms with this for myself. Time to realize that the life I do have, while not short on challenges, is simply, imperfectly perfect. The time I do have for myself is not wasted. That time when shared has its challenges also, many of them born of my own insecurities and others out of circumstance, but I wouldn’t trade even a minute. There’s a certain kind of peace of mind that comes from moments where words are merely a formality.

So this is my gentle reminder to myself that I (sometimes) need to get out of my own head and get to the important moments of loving the people who love me. Yes, I will probably be delinquent again (but I will try not to be).

Most importantly before I vanish again, welcome to the family Alexis and Bailey – the 2 lovely little ladies who have recently graced my friends and family with their presence. Be gentle with your parents 🙂

… and thank you… for that moment of inspiration you noticed I needed.

Oh, and one more thing – if you’ve been watching the news lately, you will know that the zombie apocalypse is imminent so I hope you find this helpful:

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