… I learned early in life, I suppose greatly in part to my father, that answers are unimportant in the grand scheme of things. It really is all about the questions. The right questions. I’ve been lucky in my life and work to have seen this demonstrated over and over again. The right question asked at the right time tells you more than the “right” answer ever could.
Don’t think I haven’t noticed the comings and goings, just like all those months ago. Interesting the feelings that come out of seeing something and not knowing what you’re looking at vs seeing and knowing. Guess it just leaves one question, which has intentionally not been asked – on or off? In truth, the reaction to the question would be more telling than the answer – whether the truth or not – but the first rule of asking questions applies.
Rule #1 of asking questions – Do not ask a question to which you do not already know the answer.
The only trouble with living by the rules of asking questions is that it makes for a lonely existence. This is where you have to remind yourself that right here, right now, is simply the culmination of all the decisions made before this moment, and the next will be determined by adding the choices made now. Makes for interesting confusion on the road to accepting responsibility. This leads to the second rule.
Rule #2 of asking questions – Do not ask a question that you DO NOT (truly & honestly) want the answer to.
This one is tricky, but it really has to do with managing expectations. If you ask a question with an expectation, the likelihood for disappointment is very great. When in doubt, apply Rule #1. To be honest, I do very little question asking to anyone but myself. Instead, I observe. Sitting back and taking it all in almost always provides more honest answers than any question you could ask. Take in the words, take in the actions, take in the sounds – they all speak volumes. When there is something out of place, dots that don’t connect or a proverbial “blind spot”, then I’ll ask a question. Remember, it’s not about the answer… it’s about the question.
My darling aunt tends to read into my “lost in my own head” moments at THE most inopportune moments – must be the lawyer in her, and I would hate to be interrogated by her. She didn’t lecture this time around, but just asked a question – if the person wasn’t there tomorrow, how would it change your life? At least that is one question I do know the answer to.