Letting go is not my strong suit. Never has been with just about anything. However, life comes at you fast and has a way of demonstrating quite clearly how futile an existence that can be.
Quite a few of things things I’ve never “let go” have been making cameos in my life lately. Of course, your favourite over-thinker here MUST figure out why – because what else does an over-thinker do with such things? To be fair cameos might be a fair treatment for most of them, but there are a few that are trying to work their way to feature film status.
There’s something terrifying about acknowledging that the once upon a time “normal” of your life was the very furthest thing from it. That sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that may or may not come with a ill-timed and always inconvenient wave of nausea. If you’re like me, it is swiftly followed by a Tarantino style flashback of all subsequent events… excuse me I have to hold my own hair at this point. Acknowledging abuse, particularly when you were long convinced you “had it all under control”, is a proper mind-fuck.
So you get the lights and I’ll lock the door, let’s say all things the things we couldn’t before….Let’s Hurt Tonight x One Republic
So in true over-thinker style, I’m eyeballs deep in looking at how some of these things have influenced most of my decidedly poor decisions. With a gentle nudge from my sister and designated big brother (he’s given me this lecture in many forms over the years), it’s not all been doom and gloom cause the serendipity of some events deserves acknowledgement. How people, places, things, events … flow in and out of your life like tides, with waves of pleasure and pain – and most importantly, how no 2 waves are the same and neither are the people, places, things, events as they come and go.
I’ve noticed a new superpower lately tho… I haven’t yet decided if it’s good or bad. It’s kind of like letting go, but not, because I still hold on to whatever it is – but it does not consume me… kinda of like a light switch, or unplugging a lamp – I just stop feeling. It’s a little scary, it’s happening right now actually, and I haven’t quite decided how I feel about it… cause I’m not actually feeling anything… (this could be my actual superhero origin story… or supervillain).
Despite my varied superpowers I can’t do it all alone… so yes, I’m auditioning a new therapist next week. Let’s see which way the road turns now…
Just be sure to notice the collateral beauty.